When I was in high school a close friend of mine died. I vividly remember the moment I found out and how painful the moment was and still is... At the time, I didn’t understand anything. I didn’t understand death very well. I didn’t understand the reason it influenced everyone the way it did. Following her death, I’ve had multiple dreams where she’d visit and give me advice on life and grief. But despite her efforts, death seems to remain a struggle for me.
Now that I’ve started working for the news, It has really hit me how heavy and overwhelming life is. There are so things that happen within a single day. I see and hear events ranging from library re-openings all the way to multiple-person homicides. I am constantly listening to reports about crashes, suicides, gunshots, abductions, domestic abuse and just death in general.
Ever since these things became a part of my daily life, I have found sadness creeping up on me. I began to lose interest in school, friendships, and activities. All of this bugs me. I find myself crying every night because of the amount of death surrounding me. It’s hard for me to cope with the fact that beautiful people are being taken away: people who have love to give, dreams to live and families to hold close to.
For some time I didn't know how to attend this ache in my heart. It scared me that death comes for everyone and at any time, but mostly because of the pain that tags along with it. Death hurts so many people; families, friends and even strangers.
After watching Kobe Bryant's memorial, I’ve come to somewhat of a better understanding of it all. Everything in life is unexpected. We never truly know what is going on. I’ve realized that with our limited time it's important to be true to yourself and to your heart. It's so important to do what you love and do what makes you truly happy. Kobe and my friend are great examples of all of this. They did so much and they did it all with so much love and passion with the short time they both had...
Starting now, I’m going to try my best to take more advantage of my life. I’m been so ungrateful with the time that I do have, wasting it on the internet and laying in bed. I’m going to make more calls to my family and friends and let them know how much I appreciate them and always will. I going to pursue more of the things that make me happy. I’ll be taking better care of my mind and body; reading and running more.
This year has been pretty depressing for me as I've encountered these insights about death. It’s been a struggle for me to be motivated and accept the facts of life. I always feel compelled to give up.
But as I continue on living, I hope with all my heart, that I will be able to learn from the experiences I’ve endured, and change. I truly hope to grow from the words I’ve planted here on this page.
Here's a video where I was surrounded by loved ones appreciating the world around us. I decided to include this video not only because it's a fond memory of a cold fall morning spent in the arms of warm company but also because of the meaning it holds.
In this video, I find the sun and the ocean to be the focus. Both of which, in my eyes, representing the meaning of life. Not only do they work together to make our existence possible but they also symbolize a cycle of new beginnings and consistency. It’s emphasized through every sunrise, sunset, and with every ripple and wave found in our ponds, rivers, and oceans. They illuminate their existence despite changes influencing their inner and outer circle. They both standstill and they both remain present.
As I continue to learn, grow and overcome challenges, I will try my best to think back to that early morning spent on that Santa Barbara coast; staring at a red-orange sun rising and setting on the banks of a deep blue ocean.
Until next time,
Ya girl Reem.
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